why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
