I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
