Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
