I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Randomize
