yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
