u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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