we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
