My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
