I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
i think i just lost a toe
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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