I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
