Why does Corona taste like a burp?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
