You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
pop tarts are not kleenex
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just invented taco cereal.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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