I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
