I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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