how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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