Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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