His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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