I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
