the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
