I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
