He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He better not be in your backpack
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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