As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
