Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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