WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
