i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
