things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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