I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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