Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I wish you could order shots online.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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