WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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