i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
