my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize