I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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