last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
