I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
My ATM looks so different sober.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
