I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
