a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
