while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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