You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
