I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
