even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
