I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
