Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
