I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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