Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
