Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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