i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
