youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
