That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
