I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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