I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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