Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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