his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
they need to just BURY HIM!
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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