Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize