He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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