My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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