You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
