Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
