i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
