but the lizard people decide everything anyway
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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