it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
