i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I hope mine doesn't look like that
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
