I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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