I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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