even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
