This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Randomize
