I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
We left the knife in your bed.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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