everyone is single if you try hard enough
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I just googled if crying burns calories
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
