i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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